When I lost my job I lost my confidence. I always had buckets of it. Losing my confidence is something I have struggled to deal with and continue to struggle with. It’s not just something that you can magic back. My confidence was already lowering as time went on as I dealt with life working whilst I was chronically ill. It has felt like my armour has been taken away and I completely exposed. Make-up used to be a part of my armour but that too has also gone. Putting my face on every day is too exhausting and it no longer makes me feel protected like I used to.
I no longer feel like a confident mum. My illness has robbed me of that. I can’t be the mum I want to be my illness won’t allow it. I don’t have a “normal” family life. Normal is something I have never aspired to be, but right now I would grab it with both hands if I could swap it for my current reality.
I have put myself out there by taking on new and different things. So far this year I started Roller derby, Volunteering, Learning to drive and next week I will be starting a course at the local college. None of these things has helped me take my confidence back.
It is hard, really hard not to succumb to these chronic conditions but when they restrict your life in every way possible but what can I do? I am doing all the right things to keep as much of a normal life as I can but nothing is working.
But when your job is gone, your friends are gone and your family life is drastically altered what is left?