chronic fatigue, Chronic illness, Fibromyalgia, insomnia, invisible illnesses, Uncategorized

Full-time Job

Old concrete wallI haven’t done a blog post in a while. This is mainly due to my health taking a big decline. I am back to being as worse as I have ever been. Being chronically ill is a full-time job, even more so when it is at it peak, and if the world didn’t hate me enough it has made me full of the cold.

My insomnia is chronic, As I write this it is about 4 am and I haven’t slept yet.

The Dr has altered my medication again and it has helped slightly. But with every medication comes side effects and they are making me drowsy and wiped out.

I am trying to look forward and focus on positive things. I am starting an evening class at the local college which runs for 8 week and afterwards you have to study for 3 weeks. I hope that this is achievable. But I know I am just not well enough and I don’t have the brain function to carry out a full-time course.

My husband and I are going away to see Shed 7 in November. I am really excited to get away, catch up with friends,see a band from my youth and spend some alone time with my husband.

So everything isn’t ALL bad. You have to try to look for the positives in life. even if it is something small each day that you are grateful for. It is the small things in life that make the difference.

 

chronic fatigue, Chronic illness, Fibromyalgia, insomnia, invisible illnesses

Take us seriously. Please.

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It is time to wipe away the stigma that Fibromyalgia and other invisible illnesses are associated with. I mean really, who would want to pretend living in constant pain and being chronically fatigued all the time?  I would rather life my life to the full instead of wasting it by faking an illness which is associated with nothing but misery. Don’t you think that if we had the choice that we would be out there living our life to the full instead of being bed ridden, house bound and jobless.

The lack of awareness and understanding by doctors and health professionals is astounding. There is a complete lack of awareness amongst the whole population, which isn’t their fault. I knew nothing of this disease until someone I knew was diagnosed, then I was diagnosed shortly after. I had heard the name but knew nothing of the symptoms and hardships associated with the condition or the varying degrees in which folk suffer.

So much more research needs to be done on ALL auto immune diseases. The NHS has a responsibility to take these illnesses as seriously as other conditions which are visible. It is almost like their view is, you can’t see it therefore it doesn’t exist. There are many invisible conditions that are taken more seriously even though they are not always visible.

If the government and NHS took these conditions more seriously and really got behind them it would help to create public awareness which I think in turn would encourage more people to donate money to the associated charities. More donations mean more research could be conducted.

It is extremely sad that I see no “cure” or any effective treatment being discovered in my lifetime.

chronic fatigue, Chronic illness, Fibromyalgia, insomnia, invisible illnesses, loneliness

Putting one foot in front of the other one, one step at a time

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I have just got confirmation that I will be starting the CMI in First Line Management Course that I applied for. It starts in September and I am really forward to it. It runs over 8 weeks. It’s only one night a week with a few weeks of study at the end. I am hopeful that my brain fog will go away for a few weeks so I can put all my effort into it.  It’s not a long course, I thought I would go for something small and see how I get on then maybe move onto something a bit longer and more challenging. Fingers crossed.

I am excited and anxious all at the same time. Already starting to worry if my brain fog will be an obstacle and the added worry of having to self motivate myself to study for 3 weeks. I am not very good at self motivation I never have been. I really could have done a lot better at school if I had applied myself more. I didn’t go to University because I knew I just wouldn’t put the effort in that was needed to study for 4 years. I am optimistic that I will get a thirst for the course I am fairly confident the motivation will come.

This year so far I have completed a marketing course, gained my Personal Licence and now I have this course starting in September. Also in September I am doing a Record keeping course followed by a Business Start up course in November.

I have high hopes that all these thing may lead me onto something good and I am optimistic that my next opportunity may be within my grasp.

chronic fatigue, Chronic illness, Fibromyalgia, insomnia

The world is my oyster……?

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Here I am again with lots of time on my hands and I think to myself maybe I should see me losing my job as an opportunity to do something else? The only problem(s) with that are when you have worked in the same place for nearly 16 years it is really difficult to adjust to something else, I have been completely institutionalised by my old job. Doing the same thing at the same time everyday. I did enjoy my job though. The major hurdle is I am not physically fit to take on a new role anywhere doing anything. My brain couldn’t handle it and I would really struggle. I’ve had to give up on my Sage training as my brain fog has got so bad I can’t concentrate on anything. I can hardly concentrate on a tv programme!

So in a way the world is my oyster but I’ve been in the oyster world for nearly a year now and so far it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. I keep my eye out for jobs constantly but so far nothing has interested me in the slightest. I think that maybe I am scared of having another boss put me through what I have already been put through. It has been one of the most horrific moments in my life and something that I will never recover from. Even though a year has past and it’s behind me, I will never get over the way I was treated. I really couldn’t go through that with the another employer. I feel I should be looking for the perfect employer, not the perfect job. Maybe I am the perfect employer? I have had ideas about starting up an employment agency for disabled people. But it’s just an idea, one of many that will never come to anything because I do not have the energy or the drive.

chronic fatigue, Chronic illness, Fibromyalgia, insomnia

Unfulfilled and wasted

I'm in a state of unfulfillmentThat’s about all I have to say……..Each and everyday I feel unfulfilled and like each day is a waste. I love my children but my job gave me a real sense of identity and I had that ripped away by people that I trusted to look after me. When the chips were down, I no longer counted. A hard lesson, one of my hardest yet. As my mum always told me “The graveyard is full of indispensable people”.

Since I lost my job I feel inadequate, like damaged goods. My job meant a lot to me and I was proud to have accomplished what I had there. I progressed from a Postal Cadet to part of the management team. I gave that place my all for almost 16 years. To say I feel betrayed would be an understatement.

I am constantly on the look out for a new job but I am also scared of getting one and going through the torture that I went through with my previous employer. I want to be my own boss but that one isn’t so easy. I’ve had lots of ideas but none that I think I can make money from. Maybe I should study employment law so I can help other people like me.

Being unemployed for a year certainly hasn’t done me any good. It has done me more harm than anything else. Physically and psychologically.

All is it done is reinforce my distrust in others. Nobody is who they seem.