Gratitude

Being chronically ill has made me grateful for everything I have. Being chronically ill makes you take stock of your life and who and what’s in it.

I realize that something shit has happened and it can’t be changed. So I am grateful for the simple things in life and through that, I have realised that it’s the small, simple things in life that are important. I am fortunate to have the most understanding, supportive amazing husband that loves me unconditionally and takes care of me. I have 2 beautiful healthy boys whom I adore and they make me proud every day.

I am really bad at taking compliments, they make me feel uncomfortable and when someone gives me one I hope I don’t come across as ungrateful, they just make me feel awkward. Just like hugs make me feel awkward. Anyone that knows me knows hugs make me feel uncomfortable. I am just not a touchy-feely person. Hugs and cuddles from my boys are some of the happiest moments in my day. But if anyone else tries it I immediately clam up and go stiff as a board. Gradually the awkwardness is easing and even if I don’t accept it at the time. It goes into a little imaginary box inside my brain whenever I have a hard day. I recall compliments I have been given, and they provide me with some comfort in the dark times.

My blog has been well-received by people and I have been complimented on it by a few folks. The compliments have made me cry, not sad tears but happy tears. It is making me feel like people can see the new me and recognise what I am going through. Maybe even understand me a bit better.

I started writing this blog as a way to offload this heavy burden I carry around each day. I am also doing it to raise awareness of chronic invisible illnesses. I am quite a closed-off person and find it difficult to let people in. I’m not the type of person that shares my problems with others and I can’t let folk see my vulnerable side easily. I am happy to listen to other people’s problems/issues. Writing this blog instead of talking to people about my situation has helped me become less vulnerable. I’m not very good at showing the real me, I never have been. I’ve just been that way all my life. Slowly bit by bit the load is getting lighter and I am starting to feel more and more open. I hope that any sufferers of chronic illness are helped by some of the things I have written.

Thanks to everyone that is taking the time to read this and hear my story.

Thanks to everyone that has complimented me on it.

I feel grateful. I feel validated.