chronic fatigue, Chronic illness, Fibromyalgia, insomnia, invisible illnesses



How is this for irony? You suffer from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and you can’t sleep! Whatever evil created this illness must have thought they were pretty smart. I struggle to wake up in the mornings, tired by lunchtime, dying from fatigue by 3pm begging to go to bed at 5pm stay up for my children so I can BE a mum and put them to bed, and then comes 9pm click! Just like the flick of a light switch my brain becomes active and I cannot sleep. Yes I have tried it all, warm bath, warm drink, no caffeine, no screens, exercise. meditation, sleep hypnotherapy you name it I have done it. The extra sprinkle of irony on top is that I am IMMUNE! YES IMMUNE to sleeping tablets. How awesome is that? This chronic illness really has done a number on me. For some reason I have a ridiculously high tolerance to any drug I am given. Doesn’t mean I get a stronger dose you understand I just have to suffer more. What’s more shit on top of more shit anyway? just shit.

Sometimes I wonder if I have a sleep snatcher creature flying over my shoulder pinching my Zzzzzz time. Sleeping during the day for me is no problem if I have the opportunity. I don’t mind sleeping during the day it just means that I have no life. I have 2 boys to look after too so I can’t be sleeping all the day long.

Some days I try to convince myself that I am actually living in hell, this is temporary and tomorrow just might be the day. Ah who am I kidding that is bullshit. The truth is I go to bed every night thinking oh fuck I have to go through the same ordeal tomorrow as I did today or worse. The longer this rattles of the more I think positive thinking is overrated. That stupid, ugly, uncomfortable, ill-fitting dress that doesn’t suit me is never going to come off. I’m just not going to accept that, it doesn’t mean I feel positive or negative I am just ambivalent.

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