Again I find myself at a crossroads

“Life’s trials will test you, and shape you, but don’t let them change who you are”

Aaron Lauritsen

All my life I have felt like my face just doesn’t fit. This is not a tale of woe I can assure you.

Whether it was me not being the “favourite” child, unpopular and bullied at both primary and secondary school, bullied in several places of employment or bullied at recreational activities. None of it has particularly bothered me. Well once I have processed it that is.

Living through all those challenges has taught me that I don’t particularly care whether I fit in or not. It just isn’t important to me. Life isn’t a popularity contest. I would rather be true to myself than mould myself into who others expect or want me to be.

I treat everyone with kindness (whether they deserve it or not) I suppose I am maybe perceived as a people pleaser by some. That perception would be an incorrect one.

I would rather put in the work to get along with someone. Especially if it’s someone who I must spend most of my day with. Work colleagues for example. Why wouldn’t you want to make your work environment a happy place? Why make it a place of conflict if you don’t have to. I reserve myself only to invite conflict and confrontation when it’s necessary. I am not one to shy away from speaking up for myself and others when required. Even if it does upset some people. I refuse to be walked over and trampled on. There have been many occasions in the past when I’ve allowed it to happen. I paid a high price in the end. My health.

Having learned this the hard way. My health is something that I will never risk again. Employers don’t care about your health and well-being. You are just a number, easily replaced and just as easily forgotten. Don’t be mistaken in thinking you are indispensable. As my mother always said “The graveyard is full of indispensable people”.

As a young child I never fully understood what that meant. I do now. Perhaps it’s an age thing? Perhaps it’s experience? It’s probably both.

I am beginning to understand the phrase “mid-life crisis”. A phrase that is mocked by and misunderstood by many. Maybe the real reason people of a certain age experience a “mid-life crisis” is because they reach a place where they realise that everything they have learned so far has fallen into place and everything they have experienced in their lives all of a sudden is finally understood?

What do you think?

Everybody has points in their life where you hit a crossroads. Someone’s put up a roadblock. There’s different ways you can deal with it and the way I dealt with it was I just learned to navigate a new path to my destiny

Orkney Fibromyalgia Sufferer

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