Apologies for the swearing. It is the only single word that I can use to describe my situation. I have spent months trying to get on top of the pain. I have refrained from feeling sorry for myself or crying. Nothing I do is helping. I have tried every trick I have learned over the past 10 years, I am having no luck. After months of bottling up how I am really feeling. I have decided to allow myself one day to be angry, frustrated and upset about the SHIT situation I find myself in, it is not for the want of trying either. I have tried so damn hard to get my pain level to reduce just by one. If it would just reduce by one I could cope with that.