The grass isn’t always greener on the other side but it can be. I am finding that it’s a bitter pill to swallow.
I spoke to an old work colleague on the street the other day and whilst talking to him I realised that my former employer did me a massive favour. In fact, I ought to say thank you to him. Later that day I spoke to my mother about my thoughts and how great I was feeling about my realisation. She quickly made me realise that he didn’t deserve any thanks at all. Then all the hurt and painful feelings came flooding back and smacked me in the face with a big dose of reality.
Getting a new job has been a blessing and something for which I am grateful for but I paid a high price emotionally and physically to get here. A feeling of betrayal that will haunt me all my life.
I was in my previous job for nearly 16 years and I was disposed of like trash. People who I thought I knew and trusted broke that trust. I felt used and completely violated. Had my employer had the decency to face me and tell me what was going on I would never have started suffering from anxiety – something that I have never suffered from in my life before but now I have it is something that affects me every day and something that I have to take medication for. By my employer not telling me what was going on my health suffered and being sacked through the letterbox was like a dagger in my heart. I felt completely paralysed with feelings of betrayal and hurt. I never got the chance to be able to look into the eyes of the man who was about to kick me when I was already down. Not only was my job and my income taken away. I was robbed of the chance to face the man whom I had once looked up to, respected and trusted. I was betrayed most cruelly. There was no opportunity for closure. Until I have this I will continue to carry this heavyweight around with me.