Sitting at my desk at my new job thinking how strange it feels to be sitting here. I always thought about getting a new job but the right opportunity never came along. Now my circumstances have changed I lost my job due to my health and now I find myself in a new job something I never thought that would happen. I really believed that I would be at my old job until I retired.

I really hope that this job is a new start for me and it leads onto something bigger and better. The past few years have been really bleak now is the time for me to shine.



The grass isn’t always greener on the other side but it can be. I am finding that it’s a bitter pill to swallow.

I spoke to an old work colleague on the street the other day and whilst talking to him I realised that my former employer did me a massive favour. In fact I ought to say thank you to him. Later that day I spoke to my mother about my thoughts and how great I was feeling about my realisation. She quickly made me realise that he didn’t deserve any thanks at all. Then all the hurt and painful feelings came flooding back and smacked me in the face with a big dose of reality.

Getting a new job has been a blessing and something which I am grateful for but I paid a high price emotionally and physically to get here. A feeling of betrayal that will haunt me all my life.

I was I my previous job for nearly 16 years and I was disposed of like trash. People who I thought I knew and trusted broke that trust. I felt used and completely violated. Had my employer had the decency to face me and tell me what was going on I would never have started suffering with anxiety – something that I have never suffered from in my life before but now I have it is something that affects me every day and something that I have to take medication for. By my employer not telling me what was going on my health suffered and being sacked through the letterbox was like a dagger in my heart. I felt completely paralysed with feelings of betrayal and hurt. I never got the chance to be able to look into the eyes of the man who was about to kick me when I was already down. Not only was my job and my income taken away. I was robbed of the chance to face the man whom I had once looked up to, respected and trusted betray me in the most cruel way. There was no opportunity for closure. Until I have this I will continue to carry this heavy weight around with me.




Things can turn around

281e96b6b7df73a320c3d1320fb77b6d--better-days-quotes-good-things-quotesLast week I was offered a job as an admin/project assistant at my local council. It is a temporary post which is only for a couple of months, The contract may be extended and I am hopeful that this happens. I got the job through a local employment agency which will hopefully be able to offer me more employment opportunities in the future.

It has been a long journey to get this opportunity, I have been through some hard times with my health, my friends and losing my job. I deserve something good to happen in my life and I am excited and nervous at the same time. I do not want my health to get in the way of my new job. The great thing is that it is only for a few weeks and after that period I can go back to consentrating on my recovery. I really want this to be something that does me good and gets me back out into the world and leading a normal life instead of spending all my time at home. I never though this moment would come, I am going to grasp this positive moment with both hands and enjoy and make the most of the new skills that I am going to learn. Wish me luck. The tide is changing for me and I am so happy. One door gets slammed in my face and finally another door is opening for me.

chronic fatigue, Chronic illness, Fibromyalgia, insomnia, invisible illnesses, Uncategorized

Full-time Job

Old concrete wallI haven’t done a blog post in a while. This is mainly due to my health taking a big decline. I am back to being as worse as I have ever been. Being chronically ill is a full-time job, even more so when it is at it peak, and if the world didn’t hate me enough it has made me full of the cold.

My insomnia is chronic, As I write this it is about 4 am and I haven’t slept yet.

The Dr has altered my medication again and it has helped slightly. But with every medication comes side effects and they are making me drowsy and wiped out.

I am trying to look forward and focus on positive things. I am starting an evening class at the local college which runs for 8 week and afterwards you have to study for 3 weeks. I hope that this is achievable. But I know I am just not well enough and I don’t have the brain function to carry out a full-time course.

My husband and I are going away to see Shed 7 in November. I am really excited to get away, catch up with friends,see a band from my youth and spend some alone time with my husband.

So everything isn’t ALL bad. You have to try to look for the positives in life. even if it is something small each day that you are grateful for. It is the small things in life that make the difference.



Good friends = Good times = Memories


Just back from an absolutely fantastic weekend away. Just what I needed. I have a great friend that let me stay with her for a few days. We don’t see each other often but when we do it’s like old times.

The weekend kicked off with a day at The Golf View Spa in Nairn. We had a really relaxing day using the sauna, steam room, Jacuzzi and hot tub followed by high tea and a nice relaxing treatment afterwards.

Saturday we went clothes shopping and I spent far too much money in Lush. I am a complete Lush junkie and it was money well spent, then we stuffed our faces in Macdonald’s.

Sunday we went to watch Inverness City Roller Derby V Granite City play at the Inverness leisure centre. It was their first home game and an absolute delight to watch both teams play. Inverness won! Their game play was amazing. If I could be half as good as them I would be happy. Their best Jammer was so impressive and I was completely blown away and absolutely mesmerised by her performance. The whole team was solid and all the hard work they put in really showed. It was great to be there and watch their first home game. Afterwards my friends and I got our skates on and joined in the roller disco. Great times whizzing around the arena listening to some tunes!

Absolutely buzzing after a fun weekend!

A weekend to remember! Good times!