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Things can turn around

281e96b6b7df73a320c3d1320fb77b6d--better-days-quotes-good-things-quotesLast week I was offered a job as an admin/project assistant at my local council. It is a temporary post which is only for a couple of months, The contract may be extended and I am hopeful that this happens. I got the job through a local employment agency which will hopefully be able to offer me more employment opportunities in the future.

It has been a long journey to get this opportunity, I have been through some hard times with my health, my friends and losing my job. I deserve something good to happen in my life and I am excited and nervous at the same time. I do not want my health to get in the way of my new job. The great thing is that it is only for a few weeks and after that period I can go back to consentrating on my recovery. I really want this to be something that does me good and gets me back out into the world and leading a normal life instead of spending all my time at home. I never though this moment would come, I am going to grasp this positive moment with both hands and enjoy and make the most of the new skills that I am going to learn. Wish me luck. The tide is changing for me and I am so happy. One door gets slammed in my face and finally another door is opening for me.

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chronic fatigue, Chronic illness, Fibromyalgia, insomnia, invisible illnesses, Uncategorized

Full-time Job

Old concrete wallI haven’t done a blog post in a while. This is mainly due to my health taking a big decline. I am back to being as worse as I have ever been. Being chronically ill is a full-time job, even more so when it is at it peak, and if the world didn’t hate me enough it has made me full of the cold.

My insomnia is chronic, As I write this it is about 4 am and I haven’t slept yet.

The Dr has altered my medication again and it has helped slightly. But with every medication comes side effects and they are making me drowsy and wiped out.

I am trying to look forward and focus on positive things. I am starting an evening class at the local college which runs for 8 week and afterwards you have to study for 3 weeks. I hope that this is achievable. But I know I am just not well enough and I don’t have the brain function to carry out a full-time course.

My husband and I are going away to see Shed 7 in November. I am really excited to get away, catch up with friends,see a band from my youth and spend some alone time with my husband.

So everything isn’t ALL bad. You have to try to look for the positives in life. even if it is something small each day that you are grateful for. It is the small things in life that make the difference.

 

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Good friends = Good times = Memories

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Just back from an absolutely fantastic weekend away. Just what I needed. I have a great friend that let me stay with her for a few days. We don’t see each other often but when we do it’s like old times.

The weekend kicked off with a day at The Golf View Spa in Nairn. We had a really relaxing day using the sauna, steam room, Jacuzzi and hot tub followed by high tea and a nice relaxing treatment afterwards.

Saturday we went clothes shopping and I spent far too much money in Lush. I am a complete Lush junkie and it was money well spent, then we stuffed our faces in Macdonald’s.

Sunday we went to watch Inverness City Roller Derby V Granite City play at the Inverness leisure centre. It was their first home game and an absolute delight to watch both teams play. Inverness won! Their game play was amazing. If I could be half as good as them I would be happy. Their best Jammer was so impressive and I was completely blown away and absolutely mesmerised by her performance. The whole team was solid and all the hard work they put in really showed. It was great to be there and watch their first home game. Afterwards my friends and I got our skates on and joined in the roller disco. Great times whizzing around the arena listening to some tunes!

Absolutely buzzing after a fun weekend!

A weekend to remember! Good times!

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Just not quite good enough……?

not-good-enough

All throughout I have never belonged and always felt like I am just not quite good enough. I got no praise or encouragement as a child or an adolescent. I never belonged to a clique or a group. I just floated about from place to place never really being included, just ignored or bullied. All those experiences helped me to carve out a tough exterior which can be misunderstood at times.

It is ironic that since I became unwell with 2 invisible illnesses I have almost become invisible myself. Slowly bit by bit discarded by people with whom I used to be friendly with. It is almost as painful as suffering the with the constant pain from Fibromyalgia. Every morning I look in the mirror and ask myself ” Will I ever be good enough?”

I feel like a bit of rubbish that has been kicked into the gutter. Unimportant to anyone else apart from my husband and my children. This isn’t a visit to the place called self-pity it’s a visit to the reality that I wake up to every day. Pain on top of pain on top of pain.

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Devalued

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I have been unemployed for nearly a year now and the longer I am unemployed the more devalued I feel and the more devalued I am becoming as a potential employee. Losing my job because of my illness has completely devalued me as a person. I feel like I have gone from a heavy old 50p from the 1990’s which has been replaced with the newer, lighter, more inferior version. Like a stock that has plummeted in value.

Losing my job has effected my chances of gaining employment in the future for certain. I realise that there are laws against discrimination but I don’t think that’s enough to help my chances of starting a new job or career. Like I said I feel completely devalued. Any potential employer is going to be most interested as to why after 15 years I parted ways with my previous employer. It wasn’t my choice, that choice was made for me. By my employer. I have applied for a few jobs and only heard back from one with a letter saying I didn’t qualify for an interview. Am I unemployable because of my illness? Or is it because there is a gap in my employment? Has my previous employer not recommended me for any positions I have applied for?

My stock has been devalued, I have been devalued. Thrown on the scrapheap without a second thought for the devastation that it would and has caused. 15 years wasted.