Trauma is some thing that will stay with you always. Even when you think that you have taken the time to process what you have endured it only takes something small, a moment, a song, a place, a face to hurtle you right back to that place of pain.
Living in a small community you are constantly reminded of your past. There is no getting away or escape from it – you are surrounded. It’s always there serving as a constant reminder. It’s suffocating, claustrophobic, oppressive and anxiety inducing. Everyday I wake up wishing that I lived in a place where a was an unknown face. Instead of waiting with baited breath for my past to come into my present and steal from it. It could be relationships past, mistakes past, friendships past. When you live in a small community your cannot escape your past. In a small community you are your past. Peoples opinions of you are based on nothing but rumour and speculation. With the odd bit of truth thrown in (sometimes)
When you live in a small place your past is always lingering around in your present like an unwanted smell, an uninvited visitor. You will never be far from its clutches and once it clutches you, you have no choice but to stop and give it your time. Past is a thief when you live in s small place.
Instead of your past being a cosy place to return to at leisure, a library of thoughts, memories and moments. Past is a thief when you live in a small place and you have no choice but to relive it. Your past is a thief of your present.
I choose to live day by day. Never looking forward, never looking back. Live for the moment and appreciate your present. If you are not careful it will pass you by and as a wise old friend once told me “When yer deed, yer deed.” Life is short, moments are fleeting, people come and go. Don’t miss out on your present by looking back, don’t miss out on your present by looking forward. Take time to appreciate your present. You may miss it! And never judge someone’s journey, you don’t know the road that they have travelled to get where they are – Be kind.